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The Evangelist

It all started late one night in the ninth inning.

It was a normal suburban summer night.

The smell of barbecue stained the streets

well kids played about.

Throughout the whole neighborhood,

You could hear my roommate Roy yelling about the game.

Boy he’d get heated during these games,

he’d sit in the shed drinking until he

was inebriated enough to let the whole town

know his feelings about god knows who was playing on the radio.

He never listened to music.

Boy I hated that man.

He had the neighbors arrested 3 times

for just performing music(styx covers, at really low volumes).

He ran our dog over in a drunken rant

His kids we’ve never seen are all homeless by natural selection(in his opinion).

He says he’s holy,

but he can’t remember the last time he set foot in a church.

This man is miserable

As miserable as they come.

As I said, it all started in the ninth inning,

Roy was yelling like a Banshee,

and I decided that in a strange attempt to piss him off,

that I’d fire up my deceased friend’s old SNES MLB game he passed on to me,

in the past it had predicted and changed games,

I used to make alot of money from it.

So I set the game up with the same parameters as the game being played

and I played as the opposite team as the one Roy was rooting for.

Setting it up with the same score in the 9th inning,

I set off to turn this game into a digital voodoo doll.

Little did I know how effective if would be.

I could hear him yelling outside,


don’t you know how to throw a damn ball?

or the infamous elongated


no matter what it was he yelled during these games it wasn’t pleasant.

As his team(the birds) lost,

beers mounded up with the score.

I laughed to myself well I saw every move happen before my own eyes,

in horrible 8-bit form.

I knew the game was over before he even had a clue.

I took the birds down long before the commercials ran the game out.

What I saw on the screen was 07-09(me)

I went outside and listened to the plays,

they all paralleled what I saw on the screen before.

I knew as every moment was going to spiral

and all of a sudden I realized

Why not take advantage of that to kick this guy out for good?

So game by game,

I drove him to a new brink

by using my digital prophecy.

I knew each time to let them score,

and then when to take it back, just to really egg him on.

Finally one night

he really lost it

and stormed inside.

He yelled at me,

“Frank what the hell are you looking at on that screen?”

I shut the system off and t.v. very quickly.

“Nothing”, I said,

I could see a deep rage in his eyes,

“Nothing? Why are you always watching me,

and laughing when things aren’t going my way,

The birds win every year,

whats different about this year,


Your little box?”

He then rose his fist

I shuttered a quick “no” but it didn’t stop him from hitting the SNES.

His fist impacted and electricity shot from the system into his heart.

We still talk about Roy.

He yelled a lot


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